I talk about my own creative pursuits a lot, but something I don’t mention often enough is just how important my husband’s creativity and dreams are to me.
I think like most men, Justin entered the workforce with a predetermined goal: make as much money as possible.
I think the primary breadwinner in the home can often be robbed of their passion the most and admittedly for the first few years we were together I didn’t know what J was excited about other than money.
As we’ve grown in our marriage and as individuals we’ve both seen his talents and interests emerge. He loves gardening, cooking and fitness.
Resenting Your Spouse’s Interests
For a while though, I wasn’t honoring the space he needed for those activities. Justin working out and getting healthy made me feel exponentially less fit. His interest in gardening when he got home was so irritating after a day full of kid issues when I was so ready to do the hand off. And his cooking… well I’ve always loved that. The dude makes handmade pasta for goodness sakes.
But particularly when it came to the gym I realized that copping an attitude at his extracurriculars was really a me problem. I wanted to work out, but I wasn’t committing to a schedule or asking him to take the reins for an hour. When I did make that effort though, there was no problem at all and his CrossFit did absolutely nothing to interfere with my ability to work out. If anything it inspired me to go once I was finished pouting.
Furthermore I’ve found it’s not always enough to just say “I support you give me the kids.”
Truly investing in each other’s passions can mean helping foster potential when you see it.
I think in another life where he hadn’t had a baby at 20 and in a society that taught boys creativity is also for them, my husband might have been a chef or an illustrator. At 30 I feel he’s hardly missed the opportunity. So in collection with my own reasons another financial goal I have is to one day give him the freedom to explore that quiet , but clear drive he has to be in the kitchen.
I’ve challenged him to just try a new recipe a week in the meantime knowing that it means something to both of us to have an outlet in this crazy four kid home.
You don’t have to be (and really can’t be) the facilitator of your partner’s dreams, but you can definitely be a co-conspirator.